When You Lose Somebody.

When I think about all the terrible things that can happen during someones lifetime, I may be being bias but I think losing a baby is up there with the worst of them. I feel I can say this quite confidently because unfortunately, losing a baby wasn’t the first heartbreaking thing to happen to me.

So here I am, setting the scene to tell you how this ‘shit storm’ of a story all began…

As a young child I was pretty lucky because I didn’t really lose anyone close. Our family Labrador was put to sleep when I was around four or five, but I was too young to remember much about that and then one day I found our goldfish floating in the tank but we just went out and bought another without a second thought.

I think the only form of grief I’d experienced growing up was when I was in my early teens and I lost my first Grandparent. This was the first time someone I loved was no longer around anymore.

Of course, wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if the people we cared for could live forever? But it’s inevitable that one day they will leave us. I think the best possible scenario is that people grow to a ripe old age and pass away when they feel ready. So if you cannot live forever, that feels like the next best thing.

I count myself very lucky that everyone I knew went to work in the morning and came home in the evening. I’ve known people who never had the chance to say goodbye and I cannot even begin to imagine what that feels like.

But one day, I went from being this person who experienced very little sadness, to my whole world being turned completely upside down. It’s safe to say that in the past four years I’ve been exposed to the darkest side of life.

Picture this, you are 24 years old and you’ve moved out. You get a phone call from your parents asking you to go round. You walk into their house, sit down on the couch and your Dad looks at you and tells you he is going to die.

World. Crashing. Down.

I could never share the story of my daughter Ivy and the pain of losing a baby, without first telling you the story about losing my Dad. Mainly because the two situations were so similar, but at the same time, so far apart.

So the next chapter, I dedicate to him.

Katt x

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